வால் ஸ்ட்ரீட் ஜர்னலும் குறும்(புப்) பாக்களும்

In a complex court settlement our parent company gets
custody of us on weekends!

--அமெரிக்காவில் பிரசுரமாகும் வால் ஸ்ட்ரீட் ஜர்னல் செய்தித் தாளைப் புரட்டினால் எல்லாம் பிஸினஸ் செய்திகளாகவும் பங்கு மார்க்கெட் நிலவரங்களும் மில்லியனும் பில்லியனுமாக இருக்கும்.
ஆகவே அமரிக்கன் லைப்ரரியில் அதன் கிட்டேயே போகமாட்டேன்.. இந்த செய்தித்தாளில் நிச்சயமாக எனக்குப் பிடித்த நகைச்சுவை அம்சமே இருக்காது என்பது எனக்குத் தெரியும். ஆனால் மற்ற பகுதிகளுடன் தொடர்பில்லாத ஒரு பத்தி அவ்வப்போது வெளியாகிறது என்பது, ஒரு பழைய புத்தகத்தை நடைபாதைக் கடையில் வாங்கிய போதுதான் தெரிந்தது,

Marry me, Judith with the
understanding, of course that
past performance is not
a guarantee of future results.

புத்தகத்தின் தலைப்பு: THE WALL STREET JOURNAL  BOOK OF WIT -EDITED BY CHARLES PRESTON.   வால் ஸ்ட்ரீட் ஜர்னலில் 'உப்பும் மிளகும்' என்ற பத்தியில் அவ்வப்போது பிரசுரமாகும் ஜோக்குகள், ஒருவரி சிரிப்புகள், நகைச்சுவைக் குட்டி பாடல்கள் ஆகியவற்றின் தொகுப்பு. 225 பக்கங்கள்.  பத்து ஆண்டுகளில் வந்தவற்றில் சிறந்தவற்றைப் போட்டிருந்தார்கள்: அதிலிருந்து சிலவற்றை இங்கு தருகிறேன்.

(ஒரு  முக்கிய குறிப்பு:  இந்தப்  பதிவில் உள்ள
ஆங்கில பாகத்தை ஒரு  PDF file ஆகத் தயாரித்து உள்ளேன். தேவைப்படுபவர்கள் தெரிவித்தால் ஈ-மெயிலில் அனுப்பி வைக்கிறேன்.)

FACTS OF LIFE

Marriage is a great teacher. And much what it teaches you don't need know unless you get married. - Robert  Fuoss

Write on

The permanence of the marriage pact

Depends on how couples plan it;

With some the vows are written on sand,

While others take them for granite. - George O. Ludcke

Wifely Logic

The toothpaste he forgets to cap:

For neatness he cares not a rap,

At night I listen to him snore;

At parties often  he's  a bore.

But what care I what faults has he

As long as he puts up with me. -- Lea Zwettler

Wistful shrinking

Darling you are always right!

I'm the one who isn't bright.

Wall Street expert, you can tell

When to buy and when to sell,

You bet colds and double chins

Eating proteins, vitamins

Luggage, toasters, wrist watch, car --

You know where the bargains are,

When I spurn your good advice

Later I must pay the price.

Though my love for you is strong,

Sweetheart, can't you one be wrong? -Edith Ogutsch 

Ballot Boxed

My wife and I, on equal terms,

Live happily together.

It is my decision what to do;

She just determines whether.

-Robert W. Campbel

 Astronomical Note: Having a famous father very often leads to a total eclipse of the son. -R Fouss

Point  of  Departure

The moment you definitely know

That your children are growing

Is when they stop asking you where they come from --

And won't tell you where they're going. -- Gail Cooke

Parents: forbearing animal

Final Analysis

Some parents have rigid rules,

While others are permissive;

Some parents will not give in,

While others are submissive.

Opinions differ on whether

To come gentle or strong,

But in the end all agree:

Whatever they did was wrong. -- Arnold J Zarrett

Eye opener

Our nation's hospital care,

Is, without doubt the finest -- still

Where else would you be wakened

To be given a sleeping pill? -  Arnold J Zarett

Vocal Yoke!

Laryngitis isn't fatal,

Or so at least I hear.

Besides, I have only once,

Yes, only once a year.

And I can tell when it will be,

Right to the very day:

It's when I have to make a speech

And cannot say my say.  -- R A

Cold War

Why do we say we've caught a cold

When that is error manifold?

We do not cast with a hook and lines,

Nor track it through the wood by signs.

Nor do we hunt with a gun

Or overtake it on the run.

So when you sound your next kachoo,

Remember that a cold caught you!  --Lance Oneal

Jaws

Brush each day,

Of sweets stay clear,

See your dentist

Twice a year

For I have ventured

(In fact, maintained)

That nothing dentured

Nothing pained. -- Dow Richardson

Medical Risk

If I catch a disease

I can get cured for,

I hope it is something

That I am insured for. -- Robert Gorden

Nervous wreck:

One who's in perpetual emotion.--- Robert Fouss

Lesson in Calm

When things go wrong most folks are prone

To make a big production.

They clutch their heads and moan and groan --

They need expert instruction.

They're fools to yelp so raucously

With punctuating wails.

Why don't they just relax like me

And bite their fingernails?

--Georgie Starbuck Galbraith 

Painfully Unfair

Success and ulcers go together,

Most doctors are agreed.

Two years ago I got an ulcer --

How come I don't' succeed?-- William Lodge 

Gag Rule

Here is the dentist,including mine,

A slight but important suggestion:

When the patient's mouth

Is crammed north to south,

It's best not to ask a  question.  -- R A

No Interruptions, Please

You can tell me of the hazards

Of an excess gain of weight,

Of the lean and lovely females

I should try to emulate.

You may stress the fact that munching's

Psychologically defeating,

I'll listen to your sage advice

But, please,not while I'm eating. -- Dorothy Dalton

Obesity: fat accompli. -- Len Elliott

T.M. in the P.M.

I've taken up the meditations!

I sized it up and surmised:

Here's one way of doing nothing

Without being criticised -- Gail Cooke 

Free and Easy

Some find contentment in meditation,

Listening to their gurus expound,

Or from Yoga or encounter groups,

Of which there are plenty around.

But I've found a road to tranquillity,

Whose virtues I'm extolling, 

It's just thinking of all the money

I've saved by not enrolling. -- Edward F Dempsey

Help!

There's  transactional analysis

Or Transcendental meditation,

Screaming Yoga encounters

For depressions or agitation.

The choices are wide ranging

For one's hangups or ruts,

But deciding on the right tone

Can drive a person nuts.  -- AJZ 

Horse Sense

I've read the benefit fiber food brings

And firmly believe what the doctors are saying.

I'm eating such wheaty and oatmealy things

That one of these days,I expect,I'll be neighing. -- Irene Warsaw

Inside Information

The Government watches with care what we eat

And bans what might do us harm,

Such as saccharine and the additives

That are now being viewed with alarm.

Since it's our inside that causes such concern,

The treatment might be superior

If the task were done not by HEW

But the Department of  Interior. -- R A 

Ounce of Prevention

I've studied the additives issue,

And though my research may be crude

My statistics definitely show

We may have to give up food. -- AJZ 

Good Sport

He  drives a sports car and he takes sporting chances

He wears a sport coat that's well fitting.

He reads the sports page and he sports a moustache

And his favourite sport is sitting. -- RA

Christmas Unpresent

Those that you get

From senders you've missed

Are the one's you crossed

Off last year's list. -- Robert Gorden

Comic Consultant

He posed as a tree authority,

But I felt he missed the mark

When he said you could always identify

A dogwood by its bark  -- G O Ludcke

Hound Sound

My neighbour says this of his dog:

"His bark is worse than his bite."

I don't quite see how that could be --

He practices all night.  -- Dick Emmons

Independent Claws

A cat likes sofas, tables, chairs

For honing claws and making tears;

The scratching post you furnish her

She treats like a priceless treasure.   -- RA 

Candid Comment

I'm not really lazy. It's just most jobs are 9 to 5 and I don't like the odds. -- Bob Orben.

Not Accident Prone

Hard work has never killed,

So goes the ancient dictum,

But why should I take the risk

Of becoming the first victim?   -- William Lodge

Friday's Flaw

Of working day, each Friday is

The best of all the five;

The thing that aches is that it takes

All week long to arrive.  -- Dick Emmons

Ill-advised

Of the difficult task in a fellow's life,

The toughest of all by far

Is tying to make it sound like you're sick

When you phone the office you are.  -- Stephen Schlitzer

Truth Capsule

It isn't the hours you put in. It's what you put in the hours. -- Mae Maloo

On the Job

He cannot vote to raise his pay,

If he should strike, no one would care.

And yet there's this that's good; he can't

Be fired -- no one would dare.

A mixture of both irked, enjoyed,

This is to be self-employed. -- RA

Thank God It's Friday.

I checked my clips and rubber bands;

Put some lotion on my hands;

Sharpened pencils I don't use;

Paused to hear the latest news;

Filled the stapler; opened mail;

Filed two letters -- one nail;

Now I'm ready, I have a hunch,

To settle down and go to -- lunch.

-- Gloria Rosenthal

Real Estate special: Flaunted House --Shelby Friedman

Bureaucracy: Officious circle -- Robert Flitch

Before and After

Doctors recommend that men do atleast a little work even after retirement. Employers hope they'll to a little before. -- Robert Fouss 

Employment Agony

Some agonises so at the thought of work

They spend much of their time in flight of it.

No one ever died from work, they say,

But many have died from fright of it. -- G O Ludcke 

Dais Light

Careful research proves that it takes a master of ceremonies fifteen minutes to introduce the man who needs no introduction. - RA

Conversation Piece

Many who have the gift of gab do not know how to wrap it.-- Arnold Glasgow

No sense of Balance

Some folks can't omit details,

And their stories make one yawn;

These people  never seem aware

Their accounts are overdrawn. -- Rosemarie Williamson 

The Unspeakable Truth

The human brain is quite complex;

Its performance is truly unique.

It works at birth and never stops

Until you rise in public to speak. -- Ron Kuchenbecker 

Demise of Surprise

Computers speed up election returns

When they say who'll win, there's no doubt of it;

They predict with precision the voters' decision

(And also take all the fun out of it!)-- George O Ludcke 

 Carbonated

No,I haven't been changing the oil in the car,

And i haven't been digging a hole.

And these smudges you see on my fingers and cheeks

Aren't because I've been mining for coal.

I am not making up for apart in a play

As a dark-faced and mischievous gibbon;

These smears that I wear are simply because

I've been changing my typewriter ribbon.-- C M Bryant 

No Accident

In the age-old struggle to earn a buck,

It's amazing how hard work brings such good luck.-- G O Ludcke 

With Total Doubt

I have an electric calculator

With which I can swiftly add,

And this should save me a lot of time

But doesn't, which makes me sad.

You see, every time when I've added up

A column of figures long

I add them again, the old-fashioned way,

In case the machine is wrong.-- R A

Bitter Truths

Some people know a lot more than they tell,

Unfortunately the reverse is also true. -- Edward Stevenson 

Anybody who says he agrees with you in principle is going to tell you how wrong you are.-- Franklin P Jones

A Shirt Tale

He has  news he wants to tell,

But I'm inclined to believe,

When he says it's "off the cuff,"

he has something up his sleeve.

--Rosemarie Williamson 

Time Out

At a meeting or private brawl

I never get flustered at all

At some loaded question or directive

As I have a defense that's  effective.

For, when the full meaning I can seize,

I say, "Repeat the question, please!"

And, though the speaker's voice is quite clear,

I shout, "Louder! I can't hear!"

And the one that I have down pat

Is, " Would you care to rephrase that?"

Or, if my opponents's real tough, I 'll state,

"Would you like to elaborate?"

For I find that it  always pays

To use the above cliches

As they allow me time to try

To think up a good reply. --Leonard Dittell

Cliche Corner

Success is never final -- and failure never fatal.

Semi-Liberted

She doesn't want me helping her,

By holding her,

By holding her coat or chair,

And opening a door for her

will get me an icy glare.

She thinks me courtly manners

To be old-fashioned as heck,

But she makes one bow to tradition

By letting me pick up the  check. -- Edward F Dempsey

Look Again!

Men and Women created equal?

They are, and my words are authentical.

And yet, and this  is my sequel,

Equal isn't the same as identical. -- RA 

Coming to Terms

I remember the good old days

With more than little clarity,

When an overheated economy

Was known by the term "prosperity." -- RA 

For Keeps

I keep receipts,

I keep them all,

I do not thin or weed them.

I keep receipts

With care until

The day before i need them. ---RA

Inheritance: Will gotten gains. -- Frank Tyger 

Tax Facts

This time of year we all are ill-fated

And must file tax forms so complicated

That only the brightest can ferret out

The correct method of filing them out;

The apparent fact that seems almost funny:

Tax filing is as hard as making money. -- Colleen Stanley Bare

Snicker Tape

Friends often snicker at my investments,

And it sends me into shock,

When as issue I've carefully researched

Ends up as a laughing stock. -- Edward F Dempsey 

Master Investor

He sits behind the desk and frowns

Upon the market's ups and downs.

Is this stock low, or is it high?

Should he sell now, or should he buy?

To buy? To sell? Which is wiser?

He must consult his staunch adviser --

So, wasting no more precious time

In pondering, he flips a dime. -- G Sterling Leiby 

Warning

There's a word of difference between

(And this should be understood)

A good, sound investment

And an investment that sounds good. -- Ruth M Walsh 

Define Your Terms

Business terms can be confusing

And their meanings just a bit flaky;

A lightly-held company can be firm,

But sometimes a firm can be shaky. -- G O Ludcke 

To My Banker

Though your high interest rates

Appeal to me,

They never seem

Very real to me,

And I think I've discovered the flaw

I can't wait six months to withdraw. -- Florence Wahl Otter

 Matter of Opinion

Opinion polls

Give me a start,

When the polls and I

Are poles apart. -- RA

Political Prescription

A ten-term congress man was asked how he managed always to be re-elected. "Easy," he replied. " Identify your major supporters. Then make sure that more of them are appointed than disappointed.

- -Robert Fouss 

Balancing Act

As a middle of the reader,

His political future looks bright,

For he's holding the centre firmly by,

Making promises left and right.

-- Edward F Dempsey

 Cheers, not Tears

Look on the bright side of the political scene,

Despite the fact that you're dejected --

For no matter how things may go,

Only one of them can be elected.

-- R M Walsh 
Political Platform : preach of promise

Nepotism: all the kin's men

View from the Middle

Politics it seems to me, 

For years, or all too long.

Has been concerned with right  and left

Instead of right and wrong. - R A

Missille  launch site: soar spot -- Shelby Freidman

Gun control: trigger mortis - LeRoy London

Defiled landscape: Obscenery -- H E Martz

Pollution Blues

The air we breath is poisoned,

Our rivers are filled with guck,

You've got to watch the beaches

Or you'll drown in the oily muck.

The fish are gasping in the depths

As they struggle to and fro,

While ships above flush out their wastes

On the chocking life below.

 Our roads are trails of empty cans, And litter by the ton,

and all along the broken glass Glistens in the sun.

We still can sing of beauty,

In this land of the proud and free,

But wealth and waste have changed us

To the "Effluent Society."-- Ron Moxness

No Growth Vote

Show me a little town that's sort of backward,

Not concerned about this "image" or its size,

Where the people do not call themselves "dynamic"

And there's no tremendous drive to modernize;

Where they're no perpetually promoting "progress"

And never really had the urge to boost --

And I'll show you a place that's going nowhere,

But undoubtedly a lovely place to roost.-- Sam Hudson 

Vox Pop

The population slow down shows

We're mending all our fences;

We've taken lots of good advice

And coming to our census.-- E B de Vito

Angry glances: stare wars

Cluckster

If you produce some useful things,

You doubtless want to sell them,

But folks won't come to you unless

Persistently you tell them.

The hen has known this secret long

For their is no creature wiser,

She cackles when she's laid her egg,

The world's first advertiser!--Pual Tulien 

Present Tins

" More than 600 sizes, shapes and styles of  tin cans  are manufactured by American can  firms today.--News Item

I've always known there were a lot

Of shapes and styles of  cans,  but not

Six-hundred quite. However now

I think of it, I have to bow

To this statistic. Every mode

I think I've seen beside the road.-- RA

Ad Glib

Five words which never

make me scurry:

"Supply is limited,

So hurry!"-- Stephen Schlitzer 

Contrite Correspondent

My letter always open "Dear"

And they close "Sincerely."

The first shows affectionate,

The second honest, clearly.

I know all this is just a form

And not believed a bit,

Yet there are times  when I confess

I feel a hypocrite.  -- RA

Jewellery Shop: Gemanasium 

Popping Off

Popcorn eaters in a movie

I don't find so very groovy.

No that I am bothered when

Kids go out, come in again.

I don't mind the popcorn smell,

Which I really stand quite well,

Nor the sound of popcorn crunching,

Paper rustling, people munching,

Nor the floor of flotsam, jetsam --

It's that I, at last, must get some. -- RA

 Cassette vignette

At the rate cassettes are replacing

Books in our nation's classrooms today,

Yesterday's bookworms may well turn in to

Tomorrow's tapeworms, per se.-- R M Walsh

Autobiography: Boast seller

The Score

The ties on my tie rack

Are cherished with care;

The fifty I own --

And the five that I wear.-- Harrry Lazarus 

Suits Me!

Those pants with the flare at the bottom;

I'm glad that at last I have got 'em.

And here's what I happily muse on:

I can put on my pants with my shoes on. --RA

Horror Scope?

 I sometimes wonder about human nature --

Its incomprehensible design --

When people can't tell you their blood type,

But always know their astrological sign.-- R M Walsh

Stamp of Disapproval

Commemorative postage stamps,

I muse, while one I'm sticking,

Customer, I'd think,

For paper, ink --

And take a lot more licking. --RA

So He Thinks

 Upon the elbows of his coat

Are leather patches, you will note,

And in his mouth he has a pipe

On which he puffs. He is the type

Who needs no more. Those are effectual

In making him an intellectual.-- RA

 Junk Mail

I'm an ardent friend of wild life

And a well-known stamp collector;

And I'm a candidate, it seems,

For a brand new film projector.

I'm a friend of homeless orphans

And it certainly looks

Like I'm  a favourite prospect

For a set of reference books.

I'm a preferred credit risk

For clocks and radios and skis,

But, to be honest with you,

I'm not any one of these.

It's just that I'm addressed with

All these varied solutions

On a host of unrequested

Direct mail solicitations.-- G O Ludke

 Spaced Out

Commemortive stamps it seems

Are getting larger yearly,

And on an envelope that's small

I find I'm cramped severely.

If they get even larger still

(And this oft I digress on),

They very soon won't leave me room

For writing the address on.-- R A

Taking Sides

The sides of my car have scratches and dents,

Caused by other cars failing to stop,

As I look at my car,

So many there are

I'd say I've a bumper crop.-- R A

Daily Winner

Though unlucky at lotteries and raffles

In the morning, often as not,

I'll open my mailbox and find,

Once again I've hit the junkpot.

-- Edward F Dempsey

All about Autos

When  mankind's aching feet got sore

From treading rocks and gravel,

It cleverly invented cars

To ease its mode of travel.

Among the blessings flowing from

This epochal solution

Were traffic jams and parking fines

And much more air pollution.

By dodging all those rushing cars,

Pedestrians grew nimble,

But most of all, now mankind had

A brand new status symbol.-- Robert Lovett 

It's a gift

When you're given a present

That's just what you want,

And very expensive,

The sort that you flaunt,

I defy you to say,

And no words am I mincing,

"You shouldn't have done it"

And sound quite convincing.. --R A

Candidly  speaking

"Do you want my honest opinion?"

People ask. I say, "Yes," for

I'm curious.

So they give me their honest opinion,

And I -- well I'm always furious. --R A

Moral Examples

I sometimes shudder when I count the list

Of all moral lessons we'd have missed

If Robert Bruce had simple killed the spider,

Or Paul Revere had been a lousy rider,

Or Androcles had brashly kicked the lion,

Or William Tell had shot his dought scion,

Or if -- and here my shuddering treble --

Demosthenes had strangled  on  a pebble.

Without those fine examples to hold onto,

Just think what moral dogs we might have gone to.

-- Georgie Starbuck Galbraith

Note to the Self righteous

A halo is a fine thing to wear, but it's been known to slip and become a noose. -- Silas Shay

On the Jump

The way many people

Jump to conclusions,

It's a wonder there aren't

More cuts and confusions. -- R A

Toothfully Speaking

What, you ask, is a smile

I can tell you in a very small space:

It's when you feel good all over

But show it in only one place. -- R A

Emulation

Laugh and the world laughs with you

Is a saying that's probably true.

But truer still, I have noticed:

Yawn and others yawn too.  -- R A

Fitting Accolade

He who in public shows no dread

Of correcting another's grammar

Surely deserves a pat on the head,

Preferably with a hammer.

-- Georgie Starbuck Galbraith

Lighting Up

The spotlight of notoriety

Increases each day and hour

Getting famous and rich in the spotlight

Depends on its scandal power.-- R A

Borrowed Drama

Headlines are meant to grab you,

Especially the one's that bolder;

But none claim more attention

Than those glimpsed over a shoulder

  -- Patricia Skarry Rutter

View From the Bottom

He's known as a man of means,

But people are somewhat confused,

They know of the means he has

But wonder what means he used.-- R A

Tact: Tongue in check

Generation Jape

A father was berating his daughter for her slovenly appearance. " You modern day kids are so messy and unkempt, it boggles the mind to men think about your other deficiencies. Why, just  look at your hair! It looks like a mop!"

" Gee, Daddy," said the girl innocently, "what is a mop?"

Discotheque: Spinal  wresting place-- John B Dromey

Class Trophobia

Take a look at the educational scene

And campuses rent and rioty.

How Marx would rejoice as own schools close down

And we have classless  society.-- R A

Add This

Arithmetic is not my forte.

Subtraction or addition.

I somehow lack just what it takes.

The brains or disposition.

Of late, though, I have learned a fact

That some may think  a droll one.

It's simply this: that two half truths

Don't, somehow, make a whole one.-- R A

Choir practice: Hymnastics

-- Robert Fouss 

Sweet Deceipt

The worst thing about a half-truth is that we always seem to believe the wrong half.

Long and Short of It

They say a person puts on along face

When he's sad. This seems me sapppy --

Unless of course, he also puts on

A short face when he's happy.-- R A

Age Before Booty

One advantage of growing old, Or so I've said, and so I've been told,

Is saying, " That was before your time"

Or, You wouldn't know, so much younger than I'm."

Or even,and with a trace of scorn

"You were only a child" or " You weren't yet born."

As generals, admirals pull their rank

I pull my age, and my years  I thank.

I may be a little stiffer and wearier

But just for the moment I feel superior.-- R A

Transposition

The difference between "You're good looking" and

( I know how weird this sounds!)

The phrase " You are looking good:" is

Thirty years and 30 pounds.-- R M Walsh

Steady Disposition

He claims that there is an advantage

To being just past his prime;

He has a more even temperament --

Now he's grouchy all of the time.--George O. Ludcke

No Daylight Saving

When I see the way the time flies

My heart is filled with sorrow.

It seems only yesterday

That today was tomorrow.-- Maurice Seitter 

Reading Matters

So you can read me like a book?

You've told me that for  ages.

Well,  if you can I only hope

You'll kindly skip some pages.-- R A

I Need You

I need you to light the  stars

And set the sun afire.

I need you to dark the night

And quench the wild desire.

I need you to hold my hand

Whenever I'm in doubt.

But right now, dear, I need you most

To take the garbage out--Jeanette Mack

Just the Type

How man hates admitting an error,

How he'd like to be perfect, seraphical.

Such errors as must be admitted

He'd like you to think typographical error.-- R A

Floggers of Speech

The strongest words are often used in the weakest arguments.-- H E Martz

Simple Solution

Consider the really amazing results

If children never became adults,

In fact if we stayed as we were at seven,

Wouldn't earth be a place a little like heaven?

No graft, no corruption -- how  well we'd behave --

No wars, no muggings, no need to shave,

Too young for driving, no accidents,

No sin, only wide-eyed innocence,

No second childhood, the first would suffice...

Scant chance for all this, but it would be nice.- R A

Generosity

When you meet the man without a smile, try giving one of yours.

Truth Capsule

We never get a second chance to make good a first impression.--   Marie Post

Worry is the advance interest you pay on troubles that seldom come.-- Lucile S Harper

Identity Crisis

There are two types of people (so say the reports):

One loves the opera; the other loves sports;

One loves the mountains; the other the oceon;

One wants to relax; the other curves motion;

One prefers silence each morning - no matter!

The other one thrives on a morning chatter:

And wht causes them so much struggle and strife?

They always end up as husband and wife?--Gloria Rosenthal

Altar Relations

A   fellow confessed to his friend,

“ I got married to escape

From going down to the Laundromat

And wearing socks with holes agape.

I was tired of frozen dinners, Tending garden in season -”

“That’s funny,” interrupted the friend,

“ I got divorced for the same reason.”--            R M Walsh

My Sugar’s Coating

My wife wants to buy a fur coat,

But I tell her not to be rash.

“Save the poor animals, dear,” I say,

But I think to myself, “Save my cash.”—Richard Armour

Rest Rumour

Ten hours of sleep are required by some,

Others get by on four;

But when the alarm goes off, we all

Need just five minutes more.—G O Ludcke

Off spring’s Offseason

Time was when families were large,

I scarce knew one that wasn’t;

But now young marrieds use restraint -

It’s cheaper by the doesn’t.-    Dick Emmons

All About Eden

Adam and Eve had an ideal marriage.

He didn’t have to hear about the men she could have wed.

And she, in turn, didn’t have  to hear about

The way his mother cooked and baked bread.-- Ruth M Walsh

At a Loss

There’s hardly anhour of the day that pass-ses

Without my inquirng, “ Where are my glasses?”

Though now and then, just for a change of pace,

I ask, “ Have you seen my glasses case?

—Richard Armour

Transported

One thing  that  always has me using

Is “busing” that is written “bussing”

It’s not misspelled -the spelling varies,

And both are in most dictionaries.

But buss, but not bus, you know mean kiss.

And bussing thus may be amiss,

Unless, of course, the bussing students

Who have no shame and have no prudence,

Unknown to parents, as a rule

Both bus and buss their way to school.

                             — R A

When  a House Becomes a Home

This lovely, unpretentious house:

Did I once call it cramped and small?

This pretty, winding corridor,

Did I once call it a crooked hall?

This kitchen that   I once disdained

Much pleasure now to me affords.

Where my eyes when I dismissed

These fine old floors as creaking boards?

My long-held views and tastes have changed,

Far more, I find, than I can tell,

Between the  time I bought the house

And then decided I must sell.

—Leaster A Sobel

The Previleged’s Information

I always used to fix the sink

Whenver it went on the blink,

And would repair the wiring

With great effort  and perspiring,

And do the painitng  and plastering , too,

Just like other amateurs do.

But all these labors I now shun Since Icanafford to have them done

By professionals who, curiously

Perform them most amateurishly.

  -- Leonard Dittell
Home repairs: the power of positive tinkering

Sticky Problem

A drawer in the cabinet sticks,

And would you believe my luck -

The tool I need to fix it

Is the thing in the drawer that’s stuck!

--            Julia C Ardayne

 No Party Pooper

Saturday night, I stoutly decree,

I’ll spend at home in tranquility.

I want no part of any wild spree -

(Unless, of course, someone invites me) --Arnold J Zarett

Eye Opener

Our nation’s hospital care

Is without doubt, the finest - still

Where else would you be awakened

To be given a sleeping pill?

Arnold J Zarett